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Is great sex on your wedding night a cruel myth?

March 18th, 2015

When all your guests have wandered home, all the booze has been drunk and the wedding breakfast is already well on it’s way through your guests’ digestive systems are you really going to be in the mood for mind-blowing sex?  Possibly not, especially if you’re thinking about the digestive systems of your friends and family…

Having ecstatic sex on your wedding night may be an unrealistic goal.  There’s a good chance you won’t get much sleep the night before your wedding, and after an 18 hour day full of solemn vows and hearty partying there’s a pretty good chance that even if your mind is strong your body might be weak.  Brewers droop is well-documented, but wedding-wilt seems to be something nobody is brave enough to talk about.

If you ask your married friends if they managed to make the beast with two backs on their wedding night there’s a good chance they’ll either lie, or be truthful and say they were too knackered.  A few of your brutally honest friends might even admit they were too drunk to remember if they did or not.  Admittedly this is usually the bloke’s response, and they might have to ask their wives if they were able to ‘perform’ or not.  A difficult question to ask, especially over Sunday lunch with the in-laws.

When I say ‘perform’ you might be thinking I’m talking about the physical act of rumpy pumpy itself, but the truth can be much more logistical than romantic.  For example, blokes are rubbish at managing to carefully take off their rented tux in a way that won’t void the hire policy.  And a half cut groom will fail horribly when presented with the task of delicately and romantically removing the 500 hole lacing of their new bride’s corset.

My own opinion is that it’s probably worth having a enthusiastic attempt at bumping uglies, but don’t be too hard (hee hee) on yourself if the little general has already quit the field of battle before the night is done.

I bet you’re wondering if I had sex on my wedding night, well I couldn’t possibly say.  You’d have to ask my wife...

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