Asking someone to marry you is a big deal. Even if most blokes plan something big they invariably end up mumbling something incoherent after a few too many refreshments. I find it curious that wedding cliché still dictates that the man goes down on one knee, and the other half covers her face with her hands (in a good way) and emotionally replies in the affirmative. I did a bit of research for this blog post (shocking, I know) and found out that there are hundreds, if not thousands of examples where the man popping the question was lucky not to receive the answer in the infirmary.
So prepare yourselves people, here is the AK Expressions all time top five worst wedding proposals of all time.
5. You make me feel… lighter than air!
This first bad proposal isn’t gross, rude or vile, it’s just one of those tales when you think ‘what did he think would happen?’. Lefkos Hajji of London clearly wanted to impress his lady with his originality. He explained his plans to a florist who was more than happy to assist in his batty plans.
Lefkos had a florist place an engagement ring worth a whopping £10,000 engagement ring inside a helium filled balloon. Now, I can see where he was coming from in a romantic way, but I have no idea why he didn’t propose within the secure confines of his house, a restaurant, the pub, an ice rink or the STD clinic. In fact anywhere indoors would have been a better place to pop the big Q than outside on a windy day. The news report I found didn’t go into any detail with regards to how familiar our hapless hero was British weather, but surely anyone who has spent more than a few hours in this country knows that it’s a bit gusty here, even on a calm day. Needless to say the balloon made a break for freedom, and after a couple of hours our man gave up the chase.
Perhaps there’s a sheep somewhere in Cumbria sporting a quite fabulous £10,000 engagement ring. Lefkos will never know, and nor will we. This proposal looks possibly well thought-out and intelligent compared to what’s coming next...
4. I know marriage has up and downs but…
The ever-genial staff at Disney World tell us that proposals on their turf are fairly commonplace. Almost all take place in front of the big fairy tale castle. All that magic, all that wonder. All those baking hot people in big foam character suits being kicked and punched by kids; what’s not to love.
I say ‘almost all’ because there was this one bloke who thought the best possible place to ask for his lady’s hand in marriage was on the Splash Mountain ride. Yup, as the rollacoaster reached it’s highest point he considered it a high point in his relationship and revealed the ring to his intended. Before his lady had a chance to answer the carriage tipped over the top and plummeted inevitably down the huge drop. The relationship survived the ride, but the ring did not.
3. Don’t say it with flowers, say it with…
I have found lots of examples of men who preferred not to actually say the magic words out loud but instead resorted to signwriting. There are many instances of cheesy notices on road bridges, cryptic adverts in crappy newspapers, badly scrawled graffiti and messages in food (seriously), but my favourite is the brave soul who while out on a winters day walk ‘wrote’ his proposal while pissing on fresh snow.
2. Not as rare as you might think.
I was somewhat astounded at just how many times this next proposal has happened. It would appear we live in a world where there are a whole lot of men who think the best way to propose is to hide the ring in their partner’s drink. Seriously. I don’t even need to tell you how romantic it must be to have to sieve your loved one’s leavings eight to ten hours after you ‘proposed’.
1. The (hopefully) well-meaning but horribly executed proposal.
Oh boy, here we are with the worst proposal ever. I don’t want to paint a picture here of men being thoughtless cave-dwellers (see my other posts for that sort of fun) but I’ve found a lot of reports of men who are nowhere near as tactful or funny as they think they are.
I know us fellas are known for thinking we’ve got a rich and deep understanding of our women’s sense of humour, and I know from personal experience that more often than not my ‘jokes’ are more miss than hit but…
I’m yet to find any wedding proposal that is any more misguided than the one I am about to share with you. I gave a lot of thought as to whether I should share this proposal with you at all, but if you’ve read my posts before you’ll know I’ve got a twisted sense of humour. Next time you see me in public and feel like punishing me for this indecent proposal, please remember that it wasn’t me who made it. Well here it is, number one in my list of worst wedding proposals ever. This Bridegroom chose his moment (one would hope) and simply leant over to his intended and asked her ‘how much weight do you think you can lose by September?’. One only hopes September was sufficiently far in the future for there to be no black eyes in the wedding photos.
There are many other proposals I couldn’t include, like the gynecologist who erm, ‘produced’ the ring while giving his wife a freebie exam. Perhaps marriage proposals really are better off being handled by women.